Twelve mugs, we have twelve mugs! Why do we have twelve mugs? I tell you why. Because one we stole from a B&B, one we bought when we were on holiday, one comes from a charity jumble sale, one is a gift, another belonged to aunt Brigitte… Yep, and so on.

Fact is that only two people are presently living in the house – my wife and I. And we’re not very sociable people either. Yes, we should get rid of the most of the lot. We’re never gonna have ten guests at one time. It just won’t happen.

Twice a year, one in the summer and one at Christmas, our son Tommy turns up with his wife, and she doesn’t do teas nor coffees. Well, she doesn’t do anything really. Facebook, mainly. Anyway, in these two occasions, we use three mugs – that leaves nine idle, taking room (and dust) in the cupboard, as for the rest of the year.

Alright, alright… Mrs Flanders! Fiona, our neighbour. She pays us a visit every now and then, and she always has a cup of earl grey tea. But then, again, three mugs – you see? Time ago she used to come with her husband Syd, and we could use a square set of four mugs. But, one day last year, he fell off the roof of his house and died. OK, I guess we could keep four mugs, in case Fiona re-married. Eight would still be redundant, though. Hence, we gotta get rid of them! No one else will come to see us, no one at all. As I said, we’re not very sociable.

Oh, hold on… a bunch of kids, maybe. Yeah, four or five kids usually show up on our doorstep once a year… AT HALLOWEEN! And they don’t drink tea or coffee – they’re kids. They come for the sweet principally. We tried once to offer them cups of coffee instead of candies. They set our front garden on fire!